I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
