my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
