Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
