At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
