I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
