Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize