after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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