shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
