woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
