What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
