I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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