I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
