i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
