On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
