After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
