If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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