She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
