if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
