I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
