I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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