Welp...herpes.
this boner is exhausting
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
should my penis look like a turkey
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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