Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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