Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I FOUND THE LEGS
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize