I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
