I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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