I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
