Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
