I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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