I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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