sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize