New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
