I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
