Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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