I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize