Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
