then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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