YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize