mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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