I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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