I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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