Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
