Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
this is an emotional support booty call
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
