He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
