and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
