last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
