Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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