So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
