so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
