I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize