It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i now understand why vodka
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
