I just pynch a tree in the face
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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