Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
