Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
