Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
