Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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