Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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