im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
