PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
