I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
