just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
