Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
