I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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