I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
