I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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