She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
