So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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