Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
