i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
