my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
