Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
