I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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