but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
