his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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